| The picture is familiar -- clothes all over the floor, an | | | | But Frazier thinks your teen should be responsible for |
| open bag of popcorn, empty soda pop cans, shoes | | | | the upkeep of his or her room. "What goes on in the |
| peeking out from under the bed, wobbly piles of books, | | | | room must meet the requirements of the landlord" and |
| and garbage spilling out of the can. This is probably the | | | | that is you. While your patience will eventually pay off, |
| state of your child's bedroom if you have a teenager. | | | | you may need to set small goals before your teen's |
| Like many parents, your solution is to close the door, | | | | room is tidy. |
| but how long can you do this? | | | | I have parented teens before and am parenting them |
| Patience wears thin and you wonder if your teen is | | | | again, as I raise my twin grandchildren. To be honest, I |
| going to be a slob forever. Worse, you wonder if his or | | | | was not prepared for the messy room issue at this |
| her messiness will sabotage future success. | | | | time of life. My husband and I respect our |
| Roni Cohen-Sandler, PhD discusses teen rooms in her | | | | grandchildren's privacy and never enter their rooms |
| website article, "Avoiding Bedroom Battles." Conflicts | | | | without knocking and asking permission. Yes, they |
| over bedrooms are classic, she writes, and "one of the | | | | have messy rooms and I worry about filth. |
| top battle-starters between teens and parnts." Teen | | | | R. Morgan Griffin examines this topic in a WebMD |
| autonomy and separation are the real issues behind | | | | article, "Is Your Teen's Bedroom a Health Hazard?" |
| bedroom chaos. Cohen-Sandler thinks parents need to | | | | Messy rooms can develop mold, attract insects, and |
| understand that their teen's room is their private refuge | | | | foster the growth of bacteria and other fungi, Griffin |
| and they do not want you messing around with it. | | | | explains. "And if your teen keeps wearing the clothes |
| Parents need to pick their issues, according to | | | | pulled off the floor rather than out of the bureau, he |
| Cohen-Sandler, and figure out how much messiness | | | | could develop rashes and other problems -- like jock |
| they can tolerate. "Do you object to messiness, or just | | | | itch, which is caused by a fungus." |
| filth?" she asks. In addition to clarifying issues, she says | | | | Where does that leave you? First, avoid room |
| parents need to be open to negotiation and | | | | arguments because they are nonproductive. Set some |
| compromise, something that is easier said than done. | | | | minimal standards for cleanliness. You may want to |
| Barbara Frazier, MSW writes about teen rooms in an | | | | talk with your teen about dust mites and vermin. |
| article on The Successful Parent website. In her article, | | | | Compliment your teen when he or she cleans up a bit. |
| "Your Teen's Room," she says it is not uncommon for | | | | Remember, a teen that is getting good grades, |
| a teenage boy's room to smell like a locker room and | | | | participating in after-school activities, and hanging out |
| a girl's room to be littered with clothes. Teen rooms | | | | with a supportive circle of friends, is doing well, and so |
| are an expression of personality, Frazier notes, "an | | | | are you. |
| extension of the self in which various expressions of | | | | Most teens grow out of the messy room stage and |
| the self appear." | | | | morph into responsible adults. Your teen could become |
| In other words, your teen's room is a laboratory for | | | | a neat freak! |
| experimentation. | | | | |