| Depending on whether you believe science or religion, | | | | we know they probably didn't waste time with menial |
| human males and females have been living side by | | | | things such as taking out the rubbish. |
| side for either 200 000 years or a gazillion billion years. | | | | I'll bet Da Vinci's girlfriend wasn't telling him to wipe |
| What is not in dispute, though is that in all that time | | | | spots off the mirror when he was designing a |
| women have never been able to crack the | | | | helicopter hundreds of years before anyone else. |
| impregnable fortress that is a man's mind. Two men | | | | Then, when we've done the task, we get back to the |
| explain some of their more baffling habits to us. | | | | great thoughts we were having, usually things like, |
| Have so many Clothes on their Bedroom Floors | | | | which is better - ale or lager? |
| Guys see clothes differently from the way girls do. | | | | Tape Sports Events They're Watching |
| Girls see clothes as pieces of cloth that sometimes | | | | Women don't have the good sense to let a man |
| need washing. A guy sees his clothes as part of a | | | | watch more than three uninterrupted minutes of any |
| sports team and himself as its captain. We give | | | | sports event. When I sit down to watch the champions |
| favorite T-shirts nicknames and truly believe that, like | | | | League final, I know that all the oestrogen carrier in my |
| star players, they have a certain magic about them - a | | | | house sees is a stationary target for a chat about the |
| magic that can be destroyed by washing. So, like any | | | | mohair throws 'we' saw at the mall. |
| good sporting team, we rest our key players but we | | | | And this urge to communicate always coincides with |
| don't risk washing them. What you see is a pile of dirty | | | | the crucial 'was it a penalty?' moment. Recording the |
| clothes; what we see is the 'reserves bench'. | | | | game is our insurance policy so we're not the only guy |
| Still Love a Good Wrestle | | | | in the civilized world who doesn't have an opinion about |
| Somewhere deep inside every man there lives a tiny | | | | whether Didier Drogba was offside. |
| caveman sitting by an open fire. Not literally, of course. | | | | Another thing you should know; from the first day we |
| So, since we don't get the opportunity to make flint | | | | meet you we already have an exit strategy worked |
| tools these days, we wrestle to satisfy our primal | | | | out. For us, a relationship is like an Alcatraz filled with |
| urges. Then we get a hankering for mammoth meat | | | | the promise of treasures. As we enter, we're thinking, |
| but never get very far, because we're forced to sit | | | | 'if there's only fake jewelry in here, I'll use my plan to |
| quietly and watch soap opera. But our inner caveman | | | | get out. |
| hoots quietly in happy anticipation of the next wrestle. | | | | Want Anal Sex |
| Get Hung up About a Girl Swallowing | | | | Deep down in places we don't talk about, men have |
| Guys who want girls to do it clearly have control | | | | an irrational need to be pioneers. When we meet a |
| issues. We know there's no way it could taste good, | | | | woman, we're secretly hoping that we are her first, |
| so there's no need for you to pretend it does. If it | | | | even if she is 30. That's because all men have an |
| tasted like cookies and cream, we'd have heard about | | | | innate need to be explorers; 'to boldly go' where no |
| it by now. It's confusing, though, that some guys see | | | | man has gone before. How else do you explain why |
| swallowing as a compliment. | | | | we have the uncontrollable urge to send probes to |
| Don't Notice when the Rubbish bin is overflowing or | | | | Mars? We see our little peckers as low level NASA |
| the Sink needs Wiping | | | | probes exploring uncharted territory. |
| The way the male brain works is this; we always think | | | | Anal sex is also an option that increases the statistical |
| that what we're doing is of vital importance to all | | | | probability of getting 'play' even when the lunar cycle is |
| mankind. A lot of the time we might look blank but, on | | | | unfavorable. We want to know that when the traffic |
| the inside, we're pondering. We know we're of the | | | | light is red, we can always take the dirt road. |
| same species as Descartes, Einstein and Da Vinci, and | | | | |