| Depending on whether you believe science or | | | | and we know they probably didn't waste time |
| religion, human males and females have been | | | | with menial things such as taking out the |
| living side by side for either 200 000 years | | | | rubbish. |
| or a gazillion billion years. What is not in | | | | |
| dispute, though is that in all that time | | | | I'll bet Da Vinci's girlfriend wasn't telling |
| women have never been able to crack the | | | | him to wipe spots off the mirror when he was |
| impregnable fortress that is a man's mind. | | | | designing a helicopter hundreds of years |
| Two men explain some of their more baffling | | | | before anyone else. Then, when we've done the |
| habits to us. | | | | task, we get back to the great thoughts we |
| | | | were having, usually things like, which is |
| Have so many Clothes on their Bedroom Floors | | | | better - ale or lager? |
| | | | |
| Guys see clothes differently from the way | | | | Tape Sports Events They're Watching |
| girls do. Girls see clothes as pieces of | | | | |
| cloth that sometimes need washing. A guy sees | | | | Women don't have the good sense to let a man |
| his clothes as part of a sports team and | | | | watch more than three uninterrupted minutes |
| himself as its captain. We give favorite | | | | of any sports event. When I sit down to watch |
| T-shirts nicknames and truly believe that, | | | | the champions League final, I know that all |
| like star players, they have a certain magic | | | | the oestrogen carrier in my house sees is a |
| about them - a magic that can be destroyed by | | | | stationary target for a chat about the mohair |
| washing. So, like any good sporting team, we | | | | throws 'we' saw at the mall. |
| rest our key players but we don't risk | | | | |
| washing them. What you see is a pile of dirty | | | | And this urge to communicate always coincides |
| clothes; what we see is the 'reserves bench'. | | | | with the crucial 'was it a penalty?' moment. |
| | | | Recording the game is our insurance policy so |
| Still Love a Good Wrestle | | | | we're not the only guy in the civilized world |
| | | | who doesn't have an opinion about whether |
| Somewhere deep inside every man there lives a | | | | Didier Drogba was offside. |
| tiny caveman sitting by an open fire. Not | | | | |
| literally, of course. So, since we don't get | | | | Another thing you should know; from the first |
| the opportunity to make flint tools these | | | | day we meet you we already have an exit |
| days, we wrestle to satisfy our primal urges. | | | | strategy worked out. For us, a relationship |
| Then we get a hankering for mammoth meat but | | | | is like an Alcatraz filled with the promise |
| never get very far, because we're forced to | | | | of treasures. As we enter, we're thinking, |
| sit quietly and watch soap opera. But our | | | | 'if there's only fake jewelry in here, I'll |
| inner caveman hoots quietly in happy | | | | use my plan to get out. |
| anticipation of the next wrestle. | | | | |
| | | | Want Anal Sex |
| Get Hung up About a Girl Swallowing | | | | |
| | | | Deep down in places we don't talk about, men |
| Guys who want girls to do it clearly have | | | | have an irrational need to be pioneers. When |
| control issues. We know there's no way it | | | | we meet a woman, we're secretly hoping that |
| could taste good, so there's no need for you | | | | we are her first, even if she is 30. That's |
| to pretend it does. If it tasted like cookies | | | | because all men have an innate need to be |
| and cream, we'd have heard about it by now. | | | | explorers; 'to boldly go' where no man has |
| It's confusing, though, that some guys see | | | | gone before. How else do you explain why we |
| swallowing as a compliment. | | | | have the uncontrollable urge to send probes |
| | | | to Mars? We see our little peckers as low |
| Don't Notice when the Rubbish bin is | | | | level NASA probes exploring uncharted |
| overflowing or the Sink needs Wiping | | | | territory. |
| | | | |
| The way the male brain works is this; we | | | | Anal sex is also an option that increases the |
| always think that what we're doing is of | | | | statistical probability of getting 'play' |
| vital importance to all mankind. A lot of the | | | | even when the lunar cycle is unfavorable. We |
| time we might look blank but, on the inside, | | | | want to know that when the traffic light is |
| we're pondering. We know we're of the same | | | | red, we can always take the dirt road. |
| species as Descartes, Einstein and Da Vinci, | | | | |