| Read the humorous adventures of the exiled Queen | | | | this world who went under the sun lamp before |
| as she learns to cope with Italian social mores and a | | | | matches! Ridiculous! These guys did not even know |
| complicated political scenario. Ousted by the | | | | the meaning of 'Dinosaur' strength workouts, nor speed |
| Republican party after a closely fought | | | | uphill training. They had probably never even heard of |
| referendum(51%) in which the Monarchy is declared an | | | | capture-bonding. Hardly necessary after a rugby |
| anachronism, the Queen and Prince Consort decide to | | | | match,admittedly, but HE was ready for anything now |
| live out their exile in Italy. The former UK is now known | | | | after that training. Because of his somewhat mild- |
| as New English Republican Dominions (NERD). Follow | | | | mannered nature, they had no idea that he was a man |
| their daily adventures as they come to terms with the | | | | of steel. He quickly took the all-purpose clasp-knife and |
| complicated political and social mores of Italy while | | | | the fling knife for good measure. On second thoughts, |
| keeping in touch with events and personalities back | | | | he decided to take the Beretta 21 Bobcat - much |
| home. Get details on Italian tourism, events and Italian | | | | easier loading. He skirted the rear courtyard. He |
| recipes on :- "Binoculars please" the Queen snapped. | | | | crawled through the ferns near the copse. He lay still, |
| The Press Secretary knew that the Queen had never, | | | | his super Health-Watch showed all bodily functions |
| ever recovered from finding a man in her bedroom | | | | working perfectly. Adrenalin was rushing- he felt strong |
| about twenty years ago. That incident had left a deep | | | | and calm. He saw a shadow through trees. Then a |
| scar on her psyche. She had tried Bach flower | | | | female figure emerged from the cover. She looked |
| remedies and later psychotherapy but she was still | | | | perplexed. "Walk with your hands above your head" |
| haunted by the incident. As a result, she always | | | | he ordered keeping the Beretta aimed at her heart. |
| worried about security. She took no time at all to focus | | | | "Don't be ridiculous-where do you think we are- Abu |
| on the Mini Cooper. It had an Italian registration number. | | | | Ghraib prison!" said the intruder. "It is my duty to warn |
| "2003, Mini Cooper S, Inline 4 and Front Wheel Drive" | | | | you that you are trespassing on the Queen's property" |
| she said briskly. "But look further down towards that | | | | "What Queen - I am a sort of queen- my name is |
| copse.... I can just make out a man lurking in the trees" | | | | Valerie Lust- the first ever transgender member of |
| "Can I have a look?" asked the Press Secretary "It's a | | | | Parliament!" The Press Secretary slowly lowered the |
| woman". "No, it's a man!"insisted the Queen "It's a cross | | | | revolver. He recognised the angular facial features- the |
| dresser!" said PC but nobody appreciated this flippant | | | | Italian press had been full of Ms Valerie Lust. The |
| remark at this very tense moment. "Shall we say it is a | | | | scene could have been from an Almodovar film- the |
| mere mortal?" said the Press Secretary. The Queen | | | | tough combat fighter meets a transgender MP in an |
| shot him a nasty look. "She/he or it is an intruder and I | | | | Italian garden belonging to an exiled Queen! The figures |
| want him/her or it off the property,fast, pronto!" "It | | | | blended in with the beautiful surroundings- vague |
| could be a NERD spy from the anti-monarchists- they | | | | colours of the uniform hardly distinguishable from the |
| are a nosey lot" suggested the Press Secretary. | | | | trees while Valerie's pale mauve trouser suit was a |
| "Enough of Shakespearian cross dressing and spies in | | | | perfect match for the lavender bushes at her feet. |
| from the cold or heat for that matter- I want them out" | | | | The Press Secretary could barely contain his fury. He |
| shouted the Queen. The Press Secretary was | | | | explained who the tenants were and asked Ms Lust |
| resigned to his fate ."Allright, I will go and see this | | | | what she was doing on the property. "Just passing by |
| person/thing/drag queen off the estate" "We will hide | | | | on my way to Urbino for a meeting, took a wrong |
| in the basement - take the Smith Wesson with you, | | | | turning and parked my Mini Cooper over there and |
| just in case". "Don't do yourself in" sneered PC. The | | | | was just strolling,admiring the lavender" "I will |
| Press Secretary first went to the Control Room-all | | | | accompany you to the car" he gallantly offered. "Do |
| rooms on red alert. He quickly changed into his ACU- | | | | you think I could possibly meet the Queen?" He |
| the latest US model-a combination of green-woodland, | | | | thought for a moment and decided that any member |
| grey- urban and sand brown- desert. He pulled on his | | | | of Parliament of whatever sex would be asset for |
| jungle ripple boots. He was well trained and hardened. It | | | | their cause, even if this MP was elected by the |
| had been a requisite for the job- 'combat training and | | | | Communists. "Very well" he said "Take me to your |
| experience highly desirable'. He had successfully | | | | Queen", she laughed. He clomped down the gravel |
| completed the Skutsnuz GRU training with the Russian | | | | paths, kicking the stones and thought that he would |
| Special Forces. He had been a rugby player too in | | | | never live this down. Worst of all, PC had been right- |
| another life but had no time for the Gavin Hensons of | | | | the intruder was indeed a cross dresser! |